Step 1:
Make them take you out to dinner and pretend as if nothing in the world is wrong. Give them a false sense of security about the status of your relationship.
Step2:
Secretly take all the stuff you care about out of his/her place or start the process to separate your things. SECRETLY
Step 3:
Get a friend or hire someone if you must, to pose as your FB boyfriend. You need to stage a couple of photos that would be super convincing. But don't Post the pics or change your status until Step 5.
Step 4:
Record yourself with either your phone or the recording feature on your computer, with a simple cold blooded message.
"Hey guess what I am breaking up with you. I realized that I literally can't take your bullsh*t on top of your bad body odor anymore. I actually kind of hate you now. Well its been real, take it easy."
That was inspired by the classic scene in one of my fave movies Harlem Nights.
Step 5:
Compile your favorite break up songs. I like a mixture of threatening, some with and F U vibe, or I have been cheating on you feel.
- Bust your windows out your car - Jazmine Sullivan
- Deuces - Chris Brown {HAHAHAHA who didn't find this hilarious}
- Potential Break Up- Aly and AJ
- Creep - TLC {The implications say it all}
- To The Left -Beyonce (I added this because this song is soo irritating I always figured I would use it for torture)
- If he cheated - Carrie Underwood
- F* You - Cee Lo
- Cry me a river - any version
As your last track go ahead and record yourself again to make real sure this soon to be ex knows exactly why your breaking it off.
"You smell, your a liar, you suck in the bedroom and not in a good way either. I am tired of your complaining, your inability to think of anyone besides yourself. And did I mention you smell like ass."
Then go right ahead and forward his/her friends the cd, just so they can have a better understanding of the situation.
Step 7:
After the breakup and the fake/real Boyfriend/ girlfriend take a trip. Or a psuedo trip. Post on your FB, and your vacation email response that your on a fabulous trip. And don't answer any calls, your too busy having "fun" remember.
Step 8:
This is the most important step. Take a deep breath and get over the loser.
I feel like this must be said.
DO NOT cut your hair!From Waiting to exhale to Brittany Spears. I am not sure what the hell is with the female mind with cutting off one's hair after a break up.
Yes your heart is broken and your trying to heal, and during said healing process you convince yourself you need to revitalize your look. But lets not be too drastic.
Before you start cutting off your luxerious hair think of this one factor.-- Your face might look fat with short hair. Nobody wants a fat face.
-SweetDeesignz.com
